More and more information about the negative impacts of prolonged social isolation caused by Covid continues to emerge. It seems that the required mandatory restrictions during the pandemic did wreak havoc on health and wellness. Levels of social interaction continue to be lower than those prior to Covid. There is an overall decrease in the number of people attending in-person activities including arts-based cultural events, restaurants, or professional appointments. Some people resist attending any in-person school or work-based activities as well. It seems that a small minority of people struggle to return to life as we lived it prior to Covid.

Of course, options to perform some professional and recreational activities remotely have increased due to the ease with which virtually enabled platforms work. It is simply easier to attend some events virtually without the added pressure of travel, time, or arranging childcare. In my own experience, the professional fields of counselling and psychotherapy have for the most part migrated virtually. It seems that most clients prefer to meet with their therapist from the comforts of their own home or office between calls or regular activities of daily living. Although a small number of clients continue to prefer to meet in-person, most are generally open to migrating virtually once therapeutic alliance and trust have been established. Other fields report similar permanent changes to the world of work as well.

Certainly, there are benefits to family life with the increased flexibility of remote work. This flexibility in work would have greatly eased pressures years ago as well, especially while I juggled growing a professional career in tandem with a growing family. The emotional supports developed at home, in the workplace, and the community at large helped to meet multiple demands and pressures. Naturally occurring social opportunities to connect and network with people were regular events in real life, that perhaps today happen with less frequency due to the fact that most people are working in more socially isolating ways. Chatting with people throughout the day offered opportunities to practice healthy attachment skills with others. Even “water cooler” chat about the weather or sports provided people with the social climate to emotionally attune to the needs of others thereby shifting one’s perspective and focus from the self to the other. They also provided opportunities to co-regulate, that is to manage and cope emotionally with others. This informal network of emotional support has minimized in recent years.

Spending time with people in places and spaces that cultivate natural and informal systems of relating to one another structurally supported the development of social and emotional skills fundamental to the overall health and wellness of the human species. There appears to be a generalized positive impact on one’s health that is created by meeting people in the real world. It seems we need each other as people to develop and sustain physical and mental health and wellbeing. These positive impacts are not exclusive to the people we know and love. There are also seems to be health benefits from connecting with people at large.

It seems that virtual care is as effective in counselling and psychotherapy as in-person care has always been. This means that there is something about the medium of virtual platforms that allows the transmission of human emotion to occur. The timing is not always perfect when using a virtual platform that supports video-conferencing, but face to face contact is possible when using these tools. Nonverbal communication can be affected by poor timing or disruptions to audio equipment, but for the most part, individuals and couples are able to communicate and process human emotions virtually. Even where people resort to listening to sessions instead of watching and listening at the same time, emotional support and care seem possible. Telephonic care has been available for some time, and is also reported to be effective, and in some cases, preferred as well.

Notwithstanding the effectiveness of remote virtual care, the decrease in informal networking with people in the real world may be compromising our ability to build emotional intimacy habitually. Children continue to need in-person play-based opportunities with one another to build and grow highly sophisticated social and emotional skills required for healthy living. Covid has taught us that adults and seniors need these regular opportunities to connect with other people as well.

Here are some easy ways to increase your level of social interaction and to practice your emotional intimacy skills with others:

• Greet people as you walk pass them in your neighbourhood or building
• Reduce online shopping
• Go to your local store and purchase groceries or other items on a smaller and more frequent basis
• Talk to the cashier
• Avoid self-checkouts
• Volunteer at a senior’s residence, school, church, or hospital
• Take an in-person class on a subject or craft of interest
• Join a gym or your local recreational facility
• Talk about the weather
• Sustain eye contact for more than 5 seconds
• Invite a friend to go with you to the gym, a class of interest, concert, or exhibit
• Invite someone for a tea, coffee, or beer locally
• Begin a walking group in your neighbourhood before or after work
• Consider rescuing a dog and walk it at times when people are out and about

If you are feeling isolated and lonely, reach out for help. You may discover that you have habituated to being alone, and leaving your residence is harder than it once might have been. A professional can certainly help you to develop a wellness mobilization plan that gets you back into living your life fully again with others thereby prolonging it joyfully.

by Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW

People continue to recover from the negative impacts of social isolation created by the Covid pandemic. Re-learning to live in community with a sense of safety and security has taken some time. It appears that the necessary requirements to quarantine during the height of the prolonged pandemic did injure the ability to socialize with ease. There have been concerns cited especially about the social impact on adolescents and teens in particular. Now that most of us have reintegrated into society, albeit differently – perhaps working remotely or hybrid on a permanent basis, you have likely increased your self-reliance and personal coping skills.

On the eve of 2024, I believe it is time to revisit the importance of co-regulating with all the people in your life – the loving and supportive people God sends you to help along the way. Of course, mastering self-regulation is an important aspect of human development that takes years of practice and refinement over time. Learning to manage your emotions during challenging times is a critical life skill that enhances your ability to both cope and achieve your personal and professional goals. Some of the common ways people self-regulate include:

• Walking or other forms of solitary exercise like swimming or yoga
• Mindfulness Practices, Meditation, and Contemplative Prayer
• Belly Balloon Breathing and Mindful Breathing
• Scrolling on I-devices or computers
• Video-gaming
• Recreational substance-use including alcohol, marijuana and THC gummies
• Consuming comforting foods and drinks like herbal teas
• Hobbies such as painting, knitting, or playing musical instruments

When used reasonably, these common self-regulating strategies help to calm down an over-active nervous system and to restore a sense of balance during emotionally overwhelming and challenging times. These strategies can be effective and are often reported as helpful.

Co-regulating opportunities are by nature social and always involve other people. The ability to co-regulate refers to your ability to understand and support the emotional needs of the people in your life AND equally important, their ability to love and support you in return. Unlike self-regulating tasks, co-regulating skills rely less on the self and more on the other to help during emotionally difficult and challenging times. Some common co-regulating strategies that you might have neglected since Covid include:

• Walking with a spouse, neighbour, friend or loved one
• Sustaining eye contact, emotional attunement, and active presence with people
• Asking for help and seeking support when you are feeling overwhelmed or lost
• Talking to someone you trust and respect
• Calling a friend, relative, or loved one on the telephone to talk
• Playing a game, music, or sport with a friend, relative, or loved one
• Sharing in a meal or recreational activity with other people
• Putting your cellphone or device away when spending time with people
• Holding hands with the people you love
• Regularly hugging your spouse and loved ones

There are many studies that demonstrate both physiological and psychological alignment when co-regulating with a safe and trusted person. Blood pressure, heart rates, and moods will co-regulate during skin to skin contact with a loved one. The gifts of co-regulation also include an increased sense of secure attachment with the people in your life; stronger emotional bonds and connections with family and friends; a deeper sense of trust in others and community; and a healthy social network of people who are there to help, share, celebrate, grow with, and care for you. In addition to your self-regulating strategies, co-regulating skills will enhance your ability to cope and manage your emotions.

I wish you the best in 2024 as we all continue to restore our sense of connection and reconnections with one another.

Lisa Romano-Dwyer BSc, MSW, PhD, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist (OCSWSSW)