5 tips for sustaining balance when life gets busy

Balance. That holy grail of life-work harmony. I’m sure many of us seek balance hoping it to look like this:

But what we find instead is something rather more like this:

We are managing to do all those things we need to get done, but boy is it hard. And unstable. A small knock to one thing and that delicate equilibrium is lost, and it feels like it could all come tumbling down.

I am no stranger to seeking balance. Since having my first child 8 years ago, life has been one continuous act of balance. Fitting my career around the kids’ needs, nursery and school drop offs, medical appointments, clubs, homework, piles of laundry and continuous cooking of meals that remain uneaten. And then I discovered my passion for encouraging and advocating for greater diversity in tech, leading me to become a STEM ambassador, carry out some speaking engagements and other voluntary work to try to shift the dial towards greater inclusion. Added to that, and with an increasingly busy job with growing leadership responsibilities, I also wanted to firm up my foundations by studying organisational psychology – both towards my interest in leadership and diversity – so I signed up for a half-time MSc. Life got rather crazy.

I’m glad to say that from this cacophony of activity I’ve learned a few things about balance. 

I am currently acting as a mentor for a wonderful woman who is in training on the TechUp for Women programme. This 6-month programme retrains women from underrepresented backgrounds in tech, currently drawing its participants from the North and Midlands of England, with plans for growth in coming years. My inspiration for this blog is my mentee, and a discussion in which we co-created a picture of pointers about how to find balance in an increasingly busy life. If you're finding yourself too busy to juggle it all, I hope these tips will be helpful to you:

1.      Make time for yourself

In all this busy-ness, make time to do things that replenish your energy. It’s all too easy to have days packed with tasks coming from all directions, but when you see a free 15 minutes you instead fill it with some other task! 

Make sure you stop. Consciously carve out an hour or two each week, or whatever you can make possible, just to do things for yourself. In some of my busiest times, my husband and I came to an agreement that each weekend we would give each other two hours off. I’d spend mine going for a walk followed by coffee in a café. In that time as I allowed myself to relax, my thoughts would settle, and the world became clearer. My ability to step back and evaluate what would be important in the coming week improved, and I could better take charge of how I chose to spend my time.

2.      Ask for the help you need

In my example of making time, I needed my husband’s support. I’ve also benefitted greatly from an employer who has supported my need for flexibility, and that has been a crucial enabler to continue to progress my career while also having time for my other life priorities. Perhaps you need to draw upon different relationships to find support. Whoever it may be, they only know what you need when you are specific and ask them for it.  

3.      Remember change is hard, but it is transient

During the past 8 years, I’ve made changes that have felt huge. Having kids, of course, but I’ve also took on substantial job-role changes, become a student again, as well as changes to my working pattern to keep things in balance. Now I approach each change knowing that it will feel disruptive, cause me some anxiety and stress, and cause me to question if I can do it. But I also know that those feelings do not last. I will find new dimensions to myself and learn to master this new stage of life.

4.      Be present in each moment

The simple things can be the most powerful. Simply learning to focus on just one thing at a time, and be fully present in it as it happens, made my frantic schedule manageable again for me. I learned to trust that everything else can wait. It will be dealt with in the time I will dedicate to it later. How did I learn this? With some simple mindfulness techniques of controlling my breath and my attention. I’ve only dipped my toes in, really, so I’ve asked a more expert friend for advice to getting started: Check out the Headspace and Calm apps, and Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

5.      Keep adapting

As time goes on, situations change. We change. And so our need for balance changes; balance is a dynamic act. Expect to keep making adaptations, sometimes small, and sometimes large. Sometimes we take on more than is possibly achievable so we must take things in turn, while in other situations balance can mean finding a mix that works. Don’t be afraid to keep adjusting to keep your balance working for you.

Underpinning each of these tips is a recurring theme: knowing what we want. This is perhaps the hardest part! A tool that helped me is the life scan wheel. It is helpful for thinking about your life holistically by plotting the things that matter to you around a circle. You can find templates online, or make your own – here is one I did:

Rate each wedge on a 0-10 scale, plot it on your wheel, and join up the lines. Notice what emerges and you can use this to inform your goals.

What has worked for you to help find and sustain balance? Please let me know in the comments.